The One Statement That Shuts Parents Down Every Time
If there is one statement that an adult child says that shuts more parents down than any other, it's this:
"I'm an Adult. You CAN'T tell me what to do."
Whether they're waving their finger at you, crossing their arms in defiance or shouting it as they storm off, it will instantly trigger you into having either a full blown meltdown or leave you feeling exasperated and completely speechless.
And here’s the irony. That righteous declaration is coming from someone living rent-free under your roof, without a job, without responsibilities, sleeping until noon, leaving dishes in their room, laundry piling up, and contributing nothing to the life you are still fully supporting.
But they're an ADULT and you can't tell them what to do.
Why This Statement Is Fundamentally Flawed
In this week's podcast episode, I talk about why this assertion is completely delusional and why it has to stop - for once and for all.
I also explain why so many kind-hearted parents feel powerless in their own homes, why they back down and stay silent when this statement gets thrown in their faces, and what patterns are keeping them stuck in this uncomfortable dynamic.
The Solution: One Email That Will Change Everything
Here's what I know: the next time that unfounded claim shuts you down, you’re going to walk away and never address it again.
There's a specific strategy I share in the episode that involves one carefully crafted email with the subject line "Adulthood Defined."
This approach does two things:
It forces your adult child to articulate what being an adult actually means
It gives you the exact words to reclaim your parental authority without getting into another explosive argument
What Real Adulthood Actually Looks Like
Truth is, adulthood is not something you declare just because you're over 18. It is something you demonstrate. Being an adult does not mean living without expectations or obligations. It's defined by responsibility, contribution, and self-management.
Not by age.
In the episode, I walk you through two emails. The first asks your adult child to clearly define what they believe adulthood means. The second explains why this isn’t about control at all, but about changing what you are willing to accept and live with in your own home, which should be sent whether or not they respond.
You Didn't Lose Your Parenting Authority Once They Turned 18
One of the biggest misconceptions parents have is that they somehow lost the right to set expectations and boundaries once their child turned 18.
That's not true.
You did not lose your authority simply because they reached a certain age. Setting conditions in your home, expecting participation and responsibility, wanting your adult child to live a fuller life - none of that is controlling. It's called parenting.
You Weren’t Prepared for This Stage of Parenting
Parents like yourself never expected this to be so difficult. Raising an adult child, especially one who is not growing up, handling responsibilities, becoming independent and struggling in every way possible, requires learning a completely different skill set and not letting your confidence and leadership slip away.
You'll Never Have to Hear Those Words Again
Here's what I can promise you: when you use this approach, when you send that email and have that conversation, your adult child will never throw "I'm an adult, you can't tell me what to do" in your face again.
Not because you've silenced them. But because you've redefined what adulthood actually means in your home and made it crystal clear that living under your roof comes with expectations they can choose to meet or not.
You deserve respect in your own home. And your adult child deserves a parent who has the confidence to guide them toward real independence -even when it's uncomfortable.
To get the complete strategy and the exact email template, click on any of the links below (Episode #57).
If you want to learn how to communicate effectively, hold boundaries that enable growth, and lead your adult child toward living a life they can be proud of, this is the work I do. You don't have to figure this out alone.
Ready to Experience The Biggest Transformation With Your Adult?
If you want to learn how to strengthen your adult child's emotional skills, communicate more effectively, rebuild your connection, and help them become capable, responsible, confident, and independent,registration for my parenting course is now open. Inside the course, I teach you the comprehensive strategies that help young adults begin taking real steps toward building a life they can be proud of. If you’re ready for your adult child to have a fuller, richer life, it would be my pleasure to support you on that journey.
To Learn More About the Course, click HERE
Warmest Regards,
Shari
Shari Jonas, B.A., M.A, F.L.E.
Parenting Consultant | Author | Host of LAUNCH
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