The Gratitude Hack

It seems fairly appropriate, due to the recent Thanksgiving holiday, to take a few minutes and talk about what I believe is one of the most important, life enhancing, mood shifting hacks that I have in my own self-help toolbox.

I did a podcast episode about this if you want to dive deeper. It’s Episode #41, so if this newsletter peaks your curiosity and you want to know more, head over there. The podcast links are below.

Today, I’m writing about the practice of gratitude and no, it’s not some new age, woo-woo nonsense that some people think it is. On the contrary, it’s backed by brain science and research that clearly supports how powerful the act of feeling grateful is on our body’s and minds. Once you know, you will never take this artform of practicing gratitude for granted ever again.

What’s funny is that you actually did this with your kids when they were younger, but I'm sure that today, many parents barely think about it and certainly the young adults don’t.

Let’s go back in time for a minute.

Do you remember when your kids were small and every time they asked you for something, like a juice box, you would give it to them and then you’d prompt them with, “What do you say?” And in the sweetest voice, they’d reply with, “Thank you”.

I know you thought you were teaching them manners, which you were - but even more importantly, you were teaching them to be thankful, in other words,to express gratitude.

What you didn’t realize was those simple instructions were doing more for their little brains than you can possibly know. When I tell you how powerful gratitude is and what impact it has on our brain chemistry, you’ll be blown away.

The act of feeling grateful is deeply connected to neuroscience because it actually changes the neurotransmitters in our brain. Neurotransmitters are the chemical messengers that send signals between our nerve cells. Their role is to carry important messages which affect our mood, our feelings, thoughts and our physical processes.

There are 3 really important chemicals in our brain that we all desperately need. Dopamine, serotonin and oxytocin and here’s why their really important for our adult children.

Dopamine is the brain’s motivation and reward chemical.

It gives us the drive to take action. When dopamine levels are low, everything feels like a chore and even simple tasks feel hard to start. That’s why you see your adult kids struggle to become motivated (except when it comes to gaming, because that does give them their dopamine hit). Gratitude has the same impact on our brain. It boosts dopamine and we feel motivated to take action.

Serotonin is the brain chemical that stabilizes our mood and it’s really important when we’re feeling low.

This neurotransmitter helps regulate anxiety, supports emotional balance, and makes it easier to cope with stress. When serotonin is low, our kids are more likely to feel overwhelmed, irritable, or stuck in negative thinking. Gratitude boosts serotonin, which helps them feel calmer and more grounded. This is one of the reasons why the simple practice of feeling grateful acts like a natural antidepressant.

Oxytocin strengthens connection.

It helps us feel safe, supported, and close to the people around us. When oxytocin is low, relationships can feel tense or distant. So if you’re wondering how to create a deeper connection with your adult child, remember that gratitude boosts oxytocin which builds trust and closeness. It’s one of the simplest ways to improve your relationship - no heavy conversations required.

I hope I haven’t lost you yet. The brain chemistry lesson is over.But it really matters that you understand it, because when you’re living with a moody, unmotivated, emotionally distant adult child, it helps to know that change can happen with something as simple as expressing gratitude.

There’s just one more fact that I need to share. One more, I promise.

If you’ve ever heard of cortisol, than you know that it is the body’s main stress hormone. And having too much of it is not good.Gratitudelowerscortisol. And when cortisol drops, we feel calmer, we sleep better, we think more clearly, and have more energy to handle life. Wouldn’t that be a nice change in your adult child’s behavior.

Wait…I know what you’re thinking.I can’t get them to do their laundry, even pick their clothes off the floor. How do you expect me to get them practicing gratitude?

I believe that once you know how to help your kids feel better about themselves, and it doesn’t involve running off to the gym or doing hours of therapy, you would do this. I have faith in you. Probably much more than you have in yourself. But that’s because you’ve lost your confidence, and I’m going to help you get it back. It might take time, but I’m hopeful.

Personally, I’ve been practicing gratitude and the art of feeling grateful for so many years that I don’t remember a time when I didn’t. It was a long time ago when I read about the benefits, so it has became a part of my daily life. And yes, my kids practice it too.

I never want my newsletters to be so long-winded that you don’t open them. So I’ll stop here. But that’s only because the strategies that I offer you on practicing gratitude are available on the podcast. If you’ve already listened to it, than this is a gentle reminder. And if you haven’t, the links are below. Remember, it’s Episode #41.

One last important detail.

I am truly grateful that you’re here, reading this. I am honored that you took time out of your busy day. Thank you🙏

Now that I just got my own dopamine and serotonin hit (by expressing my appreciation), it’s your turn. Take a moment right now and think of one person or one thing in your life that you’re grateful for. What joy do you feel inside at this moment? Hold that thought…

And now, your brain just got a boost too. You're welcome.

Warmest Regards,

Shari

Shari Jonas, B.A., M.A, F.L.E.

Parenting Consultant | Author | Host of LAUNCH

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